Thursday, April 1, 2010
This is Me
Welcome to my blog :) My name is Jodi, and I am 41. My current household includes two children and several pets. The last two years of my life have been filled with a unique combination of much joy and intense sorrow. It would take too much time to go into the details, but I plan to use this blog as an outlet, so to speak. I know that I need to move forward, hence the title of my blog. My most recent source of incredible pain is that six weeks ago, the man I dreamed of marrying (and who dreamed of someday marrying me) died suddenly of cardiac arrest....while I was with him. The pain is still very raw, so I do a lot of crying, but I know that I have to go on. I have good days and bad...today was actually a good day, but two days ago (Tuesday) was one of my worst days ever and I have no idea why. I suppose that is normal. Grief is new to me, so I am learning as I go. To be honest, my blog won't be the most "fun" to follow, so feel free to drop out. I won't mind at all. I am looking forward to being able to express openly my feelings to people who don't know me and most likely never will. In a strange way, that feels safe. For now, that is all.
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Jodi, I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I know what it is like too loose someone you love. Although my loss was my father the hurt is still the same. I will be praying that you find comfort and the strength to move forward. I know that it is difficult for you right now, but as time goes on it will get a little easier to deal with. My father has been gone for almost 6 years and I still have days when I sit and cry because I miss him so much. I know that in time you will find a way to do like you have stated “move forward”.
ReplyDeleteHi Jodi, I too am sorry for you lost. I lost my best friend and sister almost two years ago and it is still painful. I have not been able to look at her picture in the years since her passing because I loved her that much. Each day you will find that a different emotion will be brought forth some days with a lot of laughter as you think about a funny time and other days when you think your heart can't take the pain. But if you write it down and you truly let your heart do what it is suppose to do, you will get through that day. I will keep you in my prayers and joy will come again, you will see. Be Blessed and I will be reading.
ReplyDeleteThank you both for your kind words. It has been so comforting just to hear that other people have been through such pain and have survived. I believe as you both have shared that it will affect me forever, but I will be able to go on. It becomes a part of me, I suppose, but the effect will become less painful over time and I will gradually be able to smile at the memories rather than cry. I'm looking forward to that.
ReplyDeleteJodi.. I am so sorry for the lost of your love. Last summer I watched my grandma end a very long, tortuous battle with cancer. It was tough for my grandpa. They were married 52 years and I can tell by looking in my grandpa's eyes how much he really loved her. I am recently married and I never knew I could love someone this much (and I've been married before). I don't know what I would do if I lost my husband, but my grandma was the first person in my life that I was really close to who passed away. I just keep her thoughts dear and pray to God almost every day. The emptiness never really goes away but there is more of peace to it... if that makes sense. Take care, Angie
ReplyDeleteAngie, That does make sense about the emptiness not going away but there being more of a peace. I completely understand. There initially was such intense pain--even physical...it was so awful. Now,that has died down, but the emotional pain is still very much there. It's gradually getting better. I was also glad to read you understand about finding that special love after having already been married. I didn't have it my first time around. I know this time though, he was my true soul mate. I am glad at least for the gift of getting to experience that kind of love. Many people never get to experience it even though they may be married. Thanks for your comments!
ReplyDeleteJodi,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. Shakespear had it all wrong... or he never loved at all. I can't imagine the sorrow and emptiness you feel when you think of him. This post actually made me cry just because I know the pain of loosing someone close. It is a long hard road ahead of you. Stay strong- you my friend are an amazing woman! I wish you the very best in all you endevour and I look forward to future posts from you.